My mother is a soccer fanatic. Yes, fanatic is the proper term and not an exaggeration. She lives and breathes soccer. On Sundays if she’s not working she sits at home all day and watches soccer- Mexican league, European leagues, etc. If she’s not watching soccer she’s watching the Catholic network. It’s either soccer or Jesus.
As a teen she used to go watch the Honduran national soccer team practice since her uncle was the coach. He was also the first coach to take Honduras to the World Cup, but I digress. She grew up with six brothers who would have her listen to soccer games on the radio while they were working so she could let them know who won.
It’s a Ramirez family epidemic. This is an obsession she’s passed on to my brother as well (like they have soccer dates and I’m not invited, again, digressing). But, the most prevalent obsession has been with the Barcelona soccer team. I mean seriously, they’re crazy. What’s further perpetuated their obsession is the fact we (those of us who watch some soccer) are witnessing quite possibly the greatest soccer player of all time- Lionel Messi.
I managed to get some awesome tickets for the Pitbull NYE concert here in Miami. I was given two tickets and asked my mom if she thought she’d enjoy going. Of course, she said yes. Despite having a terrible cold on NYE she was a trooper, put on her best face and we headed out for a fun night.
We had some fun moments but rather than write about them I put a video together. So, here it is!
*”Cristina” is the Hispanic Oprah and during an interview with her (according my mother) Pitbull said he wasn’t much of a singer. He said he was much more of a performer and a businessman than a singer.
Oh, and I almost forgot! At the end of the night some stranger started talking to my mom and asked to take a pic with her. This is how my conversation with her about said stranger went down:
As we were riding in the car I was listening to hip hop (as usual) and a song featuring Lil’ Wayne came on. I, of course, started singing along and then my mother sarcastically said:
“Ese hombre canta con UNAS ganas.”
Translation: That man sings with SUCH enthusiasm.
She then went on to tell me how bored Lil’ Wayne sounds when he’s singing. She also confused him for Eminem bc she asked me if he is Caucasian.
Later on Kanye West’s “Clique” song comes on and she says:
“Clik, clik, clik por que algo asi no se me ocurre a mi para escribir una canción y hacerme millonaria?”
Translation: Click, Click, Click why don’t I come up with something like that so I could write a song and become a millionaire?
I must say I had to agree with her. Why didn’t I come up with such a concept?
My mother came to the US in 1980. She didn’t get sworn into citizenship until July 4, 2009. My mother is a true blue American and proud of it. She will defend this country against anyone who speaks poorly of it. Why? In her words:
“Por qué este país me ha dado lo que mi país no, y me dio dos hijos”.
Translation: Because this country has given me what my country didn’t, and it gave me two children.
My mother speaks broken English, her grammar isn’t great and she knows just enough to get by. But, you know what? Recently I noticed she watches a lot of Family Feud. When I asked her why she watches she replied:
“Por qué así aprendo muchas palabras.”
Translation: Because this way I learn a lot of words.
My mother is 58. She is no spring chicken but every day she strives to learn more, develop her vocabulary more and be a better American.
In December of 2010 I took my mother to NYC as her Christmas present— it was her first time there. She longed to see the Statue of Liberty. When we got on the ferry she was like a little girl on her way to a carnival. Once we were at the statue she became incredibly quiet, lost in thought. I asked her what she was thinking and she said:
My mother, brother, brother’s gf, and myself all went to the World Masters Tour soccer game yesterday. After standing for 90 mins in the pouring rain (mainly for Messi) my brother wanted us to hang out at the car after the game while cars got out of the parking lot.
This is the conversation that proceeded:
Brother Moll:
“You guys suck. I’m here thinking we’re gonna hang out and talk and you’re ready to go.”
Me:
“We’re hanging out! We’re talking!”
Mom:
“Qué está diciendo él? (What’s he saying?)
Me:
“Se está quejando qué no estamos ‘jangiando’!” (He’s complaining that we’re not “hanging out”)
Mom:
“Ayyy Renecito, eres UN HÍGADO!” (René, you’re a liver!)
Me looking at my brother:
“That’s another one for the tumblr!”
So yes, apparently if you’re behaving in a way that is pesado (obnoxious) then my mother thinks you are a liver.
Awesome.
At this point she is making multiple funny comments in one day and I just can’t keep track. But no worries, she’s a repeat offender so I’ll never run out of material.
**DISCLAIMER: I am aware what an abomination of the Spanish language the word “jangiando” is. However, it’s the first thing that came to mind.
